The use that he makes of it is first of all arguing that since our life is unique it has a unique end and the means are unique as well. But the truth is this one is not so simple to make it unique in terms of Benedictine way of life since it is pure gospel. But, nevertheless, the fact is that our life is a call to holiness and therefore the depths of that holiness is precisely a manifestation, a demonstration of the gospel holiness. In the process he goes through asking some questions that really don=t apply to us at this moment namely what is a new way of looking at asceticism today and he didn=t answer too much of that of his own observations. The question of asceticism that counter acts the fact that our culture does not in any way deal with renunciation or self denial. He shows typical things like how do you deal with the question of boredom? How do you deal with the question of tepidity? How do you deal with the question of indolence or lack of commitment? I think these are not mainly our concerns.

        I want to focus on the text itself taking it out of Matthew=s gospel. It=s in the context of Jesus revealing his journey and his passion in which he says that he will go to Jerusalem and be scourged, etc., and rise on the third day. Peter turns and says, AGod forbid that that should happen to you.@ Jesus rebukes him. That whole scene must be very rich in emotion and in action because Peter, I=m sure, probably did a little bit more than just say it, he maybe grabbed Jesus and said, AYou=re not going to Jerusalem.@ And Jesus has to turn away from him and rebuked him.

        The issue is the Father=s way for Jesus and Peter=s way. When we have difficulties we have the tendency to do the same thing as Peter did, and that is, we want to tell God how we think our lives should be run. We want to tell God our solution against His solution. Although we may not do it exactly that way, the fact is that we rebel against the difficulties in such a way that we want our way.

        This particular text of denying self in order to follow Christ has to deal with then my self-will and how strong is it and where does it manifest itself? In the process of self-will, if I do it throughly and fully, then the next sentence in the text of Matthew=s gospel, in Chapter 16 says, Ahe who loses his life gains it, he who saves his life, loses it.@ Self-will is one who learns how to save his life. What does it mean to Asave my life?@ It means I=m going to keep my life whole and untouched by anything except what I like and what pampers and takes care of me. That is the issue.

        An image of that was provided by Evelyn Wangh in one of her novels of The Trapper. The Trapper has his hut on the side of the mountain and inside it=s nice and dry. He has his skis, his books, his tools, and his nice little table. Outside is a raging storm. The snow is piling up on the hut and eventually as the sun comes out, ice forms, the whole side of the mountain avalanches and the hut and everything with it is at the bottom of the mountain. He says, A... and all of a sudden the spring of God=s love breaks forth.@ Meaning what? Meaning that he broke open that self-willed existence that basically found a way to save its life. Because it was broken open it now begins to blossom and spring appears and God=s love can operate.

        The issue of this particular instrument of good works is really focused on our self-will and the degree in which we allow ourselves to formulate our life to make our life save and whole and can=t be touched. The Lord will give us opportunities to overcome this and it=s up to us to recognize them and go with them.

        One practice that would be rather easy but also difficult is what the Lord himself said to St. Faustina one Lent as she was meditating on the passion he said to her, AConsider everything that you read and meditate on in the passion as what I did for you.@ Even to let that in is difficult enough but if we could work at it we would begin to sense how to break open our self-will.

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